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Funny Jokes

A man is in court

Judge: “You are accused of beating your wife to death. If you want to expect any mercy, you’ll have to give us a good reason.

” Man: “She was so stupid, I just had to kill her.” Judge: “That is even worse. If you don’t want to be declared guilty on the spot, you better give us a plausible reason.

” Man: Well it happened like this. We live in this apartment complex and the property manager lives in the first floor with his family.

The kids all have a growth deficiency. So one day, my wife comes up and says: Those little kids, they look like pyrenees. So I say: You mean pygmy.

“No”, says my wife. Pygmy is what you have under your skin, it causes freckles. “That’s pigment”, I say. So she says “No, pigment is what the ancient Romans were writing on.”

I sigh and say: “No, that’s parchment!”. “No”, says she, “parchment is an unfinished sentence”. “Your honor, you can imagine, I swallowed the ‘fragment’, I got back to my armchair and my newspaper.

But then suddenly she’s back with a book, and she says: I should know, I got a legionnaire for my french lessons. I say: “You mean a lector”.

“No”, says my wife, “Lector was an ancient Greek hero.” I say: “That was Hector, and he was a Trojan.” “Nope”, says she, “Hector is a measure of area.” “That’d be hectare” “No! Hectare is the drink of the gods!

” “That’d be nectar”. “No”, says she, “the Nectar is a river in southern Germany.” So I say: “That’s the Neckar.” She says: “No, I must know, there’s even a song about it. I recently sung it in a duo with my friend” I say:

“It’s a duet” She replies, “No, that’s when two men are fighting with a saber.” “That’s a duel”, I say. “No, a duel is where a railway goes through a mountain!”

Well, your honor, so I took a hammer and beat her to death… There was a long silence, shocked faces. Finally the judge says: Not guilty. I would have killed her at “Hector”.

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